i need you
im so disciplined!
in the end, i always come back to shoegaze.
bleeding heart bitter soul
im just miserable today
do you miss me like i miss you
i always thought i might be bad
now im sure that its true
cause
i think youre so good
and im nothing like you...
if all you knew from me came from this page, all you would walk away with is that my life revolves around a person named eli. which is cruel of me to do to myself. i am more than someone who is with eli. but... i always wish to be in his presence.
i think if you grew up watching youtubers doing simple things like boardgames together you were probably very lonely and it just occurred to me to who that sentence applies to
what am i doingwith my life
im sorry
am i doomed to a life of suffering
what the hell is wrong with meeeee
this actually blows :T
i dont even wanna be a woman fr bro
why? cause im a woman
and noone expects me to play well anyway
im happy he has people to play with but it sucks im not a part of that because of how much i gen suck
im so selfish
it eats me up alive to see you not acknowledge me.
i feel as though ive lost all my passion
this is so strange. i have so much to do and yet i am focusing on such a miniscule thing.
im so needy
music baby makes me so emotional i could probably write an essay on it
death is a heavy topic
the wait was worth it
i miss eli
i wanna be called good
ill be okay
its the drift
if i was a guy id still be good friends with all of them
if i was a guy i wouldve been invited
im such a fucking baby
i actually am so stressed out
im eating palabok now so ill Be Okay
I keep punishing myself.
Am i evil
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
KKMJ always plays in the back of my mind when it comes to things like this. im sorry, eli.
I SHOULD DIE!!! I should die
IM SO PATHETIC
im so exhausting
the concept of a person's birthday just turning into any ordinary day
the dnd button looks so scary
i dont like myself
i dont like this push and pull
actually pisses me off, dont rub in my face that i dont know
like wow, God's timing works in weird ways. i used to briefly, as in VERY briefly, like eli during grade 9 but i put distance since i knew he had liked janine
one of my favorite things to think abt is that eli said "if you had just told me i probably would've been with you"
i've had that last thought typed out for like 2 hours but i didnt post it
steve lacy's bad habits is so beautiful... just reflecting because my life so easily could've gone down this path
One Day he will finally rip off the bandaid and kill me
i dont know whats going to become of me
i hate everything. so i must love everything
its like im picking my scar
i hate secondguessing everything. i try so hard to be more confident but it feels like im just stuck here
is he mean or am i just a crybaby
sometimes eli makes me feel really bad
concept of eli being foxxthenothing and my favorite animal being foxes
mimi would've been a cute nickname for me. from hermi. too bad it's her name
everything reminds me of you
im such a crybaby
eli is right, i just need to be at peace with crying
this was the best time ive had in pe and i still ended the day crying
it sickens to think of the words "my fault".
im sorry to think of you in this way. but it gets on my nerves a bit that you do that everytime you see her. why are you scared of seeing her when you're the one that ghosted her?
everything in my life that i hate is my own fault
im so freaking annoyed
i am a failure
im so scared bringing this up to eli because this is (practically) the first time ive actually been disgusted at something he's said
i really want to cry.
so tired
i want to find my style
man i love joji
death to me death to me forever
death to me death to me forever
I SOUND SO ANNOYING DIE
selfish of me
the very thing wrong with my life is that its mine
i dont deserve anything good ever because i never appreciate it and im just stupid and ugly and im gonna kill myselffffff
im actually such a baby i need to kill myself
elisha is the nicest man in the world. to me
me putting down im good with relationships as if i dont constantly self sabotage
LOL IM ACTUALLY GONNA DIE
im not gonna be sad. i told eli i was gonna be happy for tonight. and i am happy for tonight
i should DIE!!!!
i dont really like my life right now and im going to list down all the reasons why so i dont feel like a crazy person who's just making stuff up to be all sad for the sake of being sad. cause no! i do have reasons for being sad, ok! take me seriously, please...
i miss elisha
all i ever do is cry i Am so pathetic
i cant blame you, i suppose
am i that insufferable to talk to that you only message me when i say im going to bed
id like to die
thinking about raphael makes me very solemn
feeling like a placeholder in everyone's lives right Now
sometimes i mourn bo burnham and lorene scafaria's relationship. sorry
imagine dating for 13 years and you just... split up
i think of this dude too much so i need to DIE!
i feel sick!!!!!
im so freakign scared... hes gonna be gone for so looooonnngggg
i talked to him about it! yeah!!!!
i am not hopeful about this class (or me)
i miss holding him... i miss sleeping next to him
this is a good medium for me i love gushing about eli to the void
porn addiction is genuinely a disease
how can disappointment turn into anything other than hate
i would like to do a lot. and yet i end up doing nothing
i wonder how many times i will type "i miss elisha" to this place
everything's a joke until it isn't
i miss elisha
i dont want to die, its just sometimes i don't want to be here. glad i realized that now
i am really proud of myself for getting through earlier today.
so much for sleeping early
im really scared that all this stuff im losing is a sign that im going to lose him as well.
i also miss my watch.
i miss listening to music all the time. where are my earphones...
i always end up never doing anything
i wish i had more positive things to say.
im so scared
i hate this. but there is nothing i hate more than myself
my right cheek hurts a lot
im not very good at sharing
sola should be very thankful to have cara as their creatives head. i would've ran this as a dictatorship
today is another day
i hate seeing people upset over something i could've chose to not do
i want to get better but i always get so discouraged when i do. its hard finally putting boundaries for myself when ive spent my whole life letting people trample all over me
the cycle is a choice. but it doesnt seem like theres a way for me to make another choice
i dont really like this cycle ive somehow put myself in.
this reminds me of his twitter.
i am so vain. i am enjoying posting all my disgusting thoughts on here and seeing it presented so prettily. it is true that depressed people are self absorbed.
he won't say it, but i know deep down he must resent me time to time. who wouldn't? it is exhausting to be around me. and yet he stays. he must really love me.
we're okay again. but i wonder how much of a toll it takes on him.
i wish i treated God the same way, but sometimes it feels like the only time i get to truly feel God is when im in eli's arms
i miss elisha. even at my worst, i can't help but think how much i want to be in his presence. it is very selfish of me.